One month down

Well, I already have one month's experience as a mom with two kids. It's been great, if you don't count the horrible post partum depression. I don't say this to garner sympathy, just to give voice to a problem that is sometimes swept under the rug. The more a topic is talked about, the less embarrassing or shameful or taboo it becomes. And I know there are other moms like me who read this blog, whether they admit to it or not...reading my blog, that is, not depression ;)

No motivation, no energy, no enjoyment, no fulfillment might sound typical of a new mom who's getting patches of sleep. Indeed, they are typical. But for me, these symptoms go beyond. It's difficult to explain it if you haven't experienced it. Thankfully, due to a series of conversations, evaluations and decisions I am feeling hopeful. And, no, I did not choose to go back on my medicine, which is a decision that surprised the heck out of me. Depression is not something I fool around with.

BUT...inspite of all that hoopla, I haven't failed to recognize the little miracle that has graced our home. Babies are something special in this house and even though I'm horribly blue it's hard to not feel grateful and somewhat cheered by the presence of my two little miracles. Price is a GOOD baby. He's not as alert or curious as Olivia was and he seems to be a bit more serious but he is just as good natured. He doesn't sleep through the night like she did (though we're hitting the five-hour stretch with more frequency) but he eats and goes right back to sleep...something Olivia never seemed to get the hang of. He cries only when he needs something and is quickly soothed.

Olivia absolutely loves her baby, so I don't have to referee anything there. The only thing I have problems with is keeping her from constantly touching him while he's asleep, lugging him around the house while he's awake and sitting smack on top of him in general. Also I'm feeling immensely better physically and I think my c-section is healing nicely, although I get really sore doing the simplest things. Today, for example, I unloaded/loaded the dishwasher, did several loads of laundry and swept. It all but wiped me out and I feel like I've done hundreds of sit-ups. It can be pretty frustrating and I constantly have to remind myself that I'm recovering from major surgery. Emotionally and mentally I may feel like my life sucks, but I'm glad to know better. I'll just have to ride this storm out and hope I can hang on to the life raft.