My grandmother is dying.
She is well into her 90's, so I suppose this is to be expected. I would be lying, though, if I said it wasn't a surprise to realize the end of her time on earth was so close. At just over five feet and maybe 100 pounds soaking wet, my grandma is larger than life. You kind of expect her to beat it.
Grandma's a scrapper and a fighter. Her relationship with her children and grandchildren can be complicated and sometimes even strained. But there is one thing that is ever-constant: We love her. We love her fiercly. We love her tenderly. She loves us the same way. We forgive her faults because we realize where they come from. (I overlook them because I have the same ones...funny how genetics work...) She had a difficult childhood and her adult life was faced with one tragedy after another. But through it all, she managed to do more good than one tiny little thing should be capable of doing.
Her name is well-known in the halls of the Utah state capital, even among national politicians. She is known as a fierce patriot and an even fiercer opponent. One word from her can stop a bill in its tracks or send it on through. It can even squash a politician. This is not an exaggeration. She has been honored again and again and again by universities, governments and organizations for her service in the community, in the government and to her family. We all look to her example for guidance, no matter what side of the political fence we land. She is our family's moral compass.
I talked to her yesterday; she isn't able to talk back and I think my mom held the phone for her. I can't be there with her now, but I keep her posted with letters and pictures. I also get e-mail updates from aunts and uncles who are caring for her around the clock. Sometimes they are hard to read. I hope that these letters and calls convey to her how much I love her.
I'm finding it difficult to mourn her impending transition, however. She will be with my grandpa, who is the love of her life; two of her sons, one was MIA in Vietnam, the other died of cancer in the early 80's; and her own father and mother, whom she loves dearly; and other family members and friends she has outlived. How can I begrudge her that happiness? I only grieve that my own children will not know her, though she won't likely be forgotten in this house: she and Olivia share the middle name, Tyyni. Neither one is spelled like that (Olivia's is Tynni and Grandma's is Teenie), but it is my great-grandmother's name. She was an immigrant from Finland.
My grandmother is dying, and we are all watching. But through this process, we are all finding our compassion, love, patience and even capacity for forgiveness amplified in ways that would not be possible otherwise. We are all finding solace.
She is well into her 90's, so I suppose this is to be expected. I would be lying, though, if I said it wasn't a surprise to realize the end of her time on earth was so close. At just over five feet and maybe 100 pounds soaking wet, my grandma is larger than life. You kind of expect her to beat it.
Grandma's a scrapper and a fighter. Her relationship with her children and grandchildren can be complicated and sometimes even strained. But there is one thing that is ever-constant: We love her. We love her fiercly. We love her tenderly. She loves us the same way. We forgive her faults because we realize where they come from. (I overlook them because I have the same ones...funny how genetics work...) She had a difficult childhood and her adult life was faced with one tragedy after another. But through it all, she managed to do more good than one tiny little thing should be capable of doing.
Her name is well-known in the halls of the Utah state capital, even among national politicians. She is known as a fierce patriot and an even fiercer opponent. One word from her can stop a bill in its tracks or send it on through. It can even squash a politician. This is not an exaggeration. She has been honored again and again and again by universities, governments and organizations for her service in the community, in the government and to her family. We all look to her example for guidance, no matter what side of the political fence we land. She is our family's moral compass.
I talked to her yesterday; she isn't able to talk back and I think my mom held the phone for her. I can't be there with her now, but I keep her posted with letters and pictures. I also get e-mail updates from aunts and uncles who are caring for her around the clock. Sometimes they are hard to read. I hope that these letters and calls convey to her how much I love her.
I'm finding it difficult to mourn her impending transition, however. She will be with my grandpa, who is the love of her life; two of her sons, one was MIA in Vietnam, the other died of cancer in the early 80's; and her own father and mother, whom she loves dearly; and other family members and friends she has outlived. How can I begrudge her that happiness? I only grieve that my own children will not know her, though she won't likely be forgotten in this house: she and Olivia share the middle name, Tyyni. Neither one is spelled like that (Olivia's is Tynni and Grandma's is Teenie), but it is my great-grandmother's name. She was an immigrant from Finland.
My grandmother is dying, and we are all watching. But through this process, we are all finding our compassion, love, patience and even capacity for forgiveness amplified in ways that would not be possible otherwise. We are all finding solace.
6 comments:
Oh, Cheyenne. I'm sorry. I have loved your Grandma Rex stories over the years. She will definitely spice up the hereafter a bit, don't ya think? Losing my grandma when Ethan was a baby was very hard, mainly because, like you said, I was sad my kids wouldn't get a chance to know the wonderful woman that she was. But keep telling those stories. That is how your kids will know her and love her. I'm sorry for your sadness; it comes with the territory of losing someone you love. Thank goodness for eternal families so you know this is just a temporary goodbye.
Cheyenne, darlin I love you. Grandma Rex is an amazing women and I'm grateful I was able to spend a bit of time with he when she learned that black people aren't all that bad and watching them stomp is totally fun. I find it funny that althought I never really new her personally, other than the one weekend, I feel like through stories of hers i'm heard throughout the years, she's been a light to me. I hope her passing is painless in her end and that everyone in your can stand a little taller to return to her. What a great beacon, or compass your family has to help guide them home. My prayers and love are with y'all!
I'm sorry.
Cheyenne I am so sorry to hear this...you are so right about those that she will see and the love she will feel.
I can only imagine what an amazing person she is. I know you & I know your children and in knowing you I see such a strong woman - I am not the least surprised to hear your description of her.
Olivia & Price will know her through your strength, your example, your beliefs and most importantly through your love.
If you need anything let me know.
DNA is an amazing thing, and that plus our memories that we share are one way to keep loved ones living long past their time here in person. Price and Olivia will certainly know her through you and your family, and I imagine that with your ability to tell a story you'll make her as real as if she's right next door. In turn, they'll share the stories one day with their babies.
I'm sorry for the heartache you and your family must be dealing with and I just hope that every day - with all the stories and good memories to share - it is a little easier on you not having her here.
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